The perfect Day

For me there is nothing like a rainy day. Since I was a kid I've loved the rain. One day I was sitting at my desk doing homework. (It was a Sunday that day too) The window was open and I just remember feeling God. It was like he was hugging me and since then when it rains it's like God is hugging me. So it's fits perfectly today for me. I need to feel God's hug!

I go back to work tomorrow after being out 3 weeks taking care of Patt. Long story short, back in July his back started hurting again. We thought it was the disk we already knew about. His L3 and L5. Then his legs starting going numb, then his feet. He got to where he couldn't walk, no energy. His doctor didn't get numbing b/c it didn't go with what was going on in the lumbar area so he send him to a neruoligist. He ran so many test, blood work, 3 MRI's, spinal tap....found out later he thought Patt had something called tranverse myletis or MS. Well thank goodness it was neither of them but in the MRI he found between T9 and T11 his disk was cutting off the nerve in the spinal cord and sent him back to his dr with the words....you need surgery. So the following Monday we saw his doctor, a patient had just cancelled for the next day so he already had everything lined out so he had surgery the next day. They went in on his left side, cut 4 places, had to collapse his lung, spread his ribs apart remove his disk and replace it with a cage that had had to fill with bone, and tissue. So now he has to wear a back brace until his dis fuse back together. He HATES that brace but you got to do what you have to do. He'll be out of work for at least another 2 months. Hates having to do nothing pretty much.

I've had to help him do everything but tomorrow I go back to work. I'm dreading it. One reason when I talked to someone she kept saying enjoy your "vacation". I just don't get how I've been on vacation. I've had to do everything, get up during the night just to help Patt go to the bathroom, help him get dressed, shower, you name it but I'm just laying on the couch getting ice cream soaking up the sun I guess. I just believe you're suppose to take care of your husband and since his doctor said he needed help I did it. I had the time so I used it. My place is by my husband even if some don't see it that way. If they had called or visited they would have seen just how bad this back surgery was but oh well. I go back to work just with a different attitude. I have to answer to God for the type of wife I am not people here..... (ok just a little venting there)

Now that I remember my password I'll be back more often. YAY Oh and I don't have time to spell check so please forgive. I can tell Patt is almost done with shower so it's off to be nurse...

Puckett Day :~)

I always look forward to Puckett Day for some reason. There's nothing fancy. We don't have a famous band to come play for us. The floats are simple. It's in the middle of July which means it's HOT. Yet something about the simplicity of the day just makes it perfect!

This year a friend of ours from the Madison area came since he wife and kids were visiting her dad for the weekend. He brought his little dirt bike to ride since Patt told him we always take the 4 wheeler for the day. Before we could even get up to where everyone was Patt's phone was ringing. First his nephew Bailey asking where are ya'll. Not 3 minutes later his dad was calling asking the same thing.

So off we go on the 4 wheeler. It's about a mile from our house to the post office where everyone was meeting up. We hung out then went to find a spot to get the most candy. (Patt loves to get the candy....) Well sure enough Patt couldn't stand not riding in the parade so he has to play up and down the road. Then he gets his friend to ride and play with him. Thankfully they come back to pick me up then it's off to the ball park we go. They have booths set up so we looked at them. Found an artist that does amazing work and we think we're going to have her do a family oil painting of the whole family. Ate a hamburger, watched a little of the softball game a girl from my home town was playing in. Patt's sister was telling us about the homemade ice so we went and found it. I never thought banana pudding ice cream would be good but that stuff was oh so yummy. Then finally home. Nothing out of the ordinary...just simple which is something that I'm learning I like the most. The simple life out in the country :)

Vaction Time...here I come!

As of tomorrow (Thursday) at 4:30 Dawn is taking a few days off! Can I get a yippie yi yay!

Patt will be on vacation so I decided to take time off too. We're not going anywhere that we know of yet but we're planning on spending some time doing stuff around the house, relax a little, play some, and catch up on some much needed sleep. Friday morning I plan on getting up going over to my sister in laws house and hanging out at the pool! Soak up some sun!!!! Saturday a nice little cookout with the family then from there who knows but the one thing I do know... I won't be at the office!!!!! These people are driving me crazy these days!!!

Today is also my furbaby Gracie's birthday. Can't believe we've had her for almost a year now :) What is so odd is Gracie and Patt's b'day is in July. Mine and Ruby's b'day's are in December. Patt asked me to marry him in July. We got married in December. Guess July and December are our months......

I hope everyone here has a happy and safe 4th of July and take some time to enjoy life!

Peace

As I'm sitting here getting ready to blog I feel something I haven't felt in over a year. Peace. It feels good. I can't stand not knowing what's going to happen, if we'll be able to have a baby or not but I do know one thing. I have to let go and let God have it so here I am...somewhere strange to me. Letting what's meant to be will be~

Right now I type not sure what is even on my mind. I'm enjoying not stressing and not planning ok well I'm always planning something :) Last night Patt's best friend from St Louis called asking if we have plans for Labor Day. Haven't thought about it but I am now. They are going to try and come visit us!!! I am so excited, which is strange since when I think of the first time I met them we had to leave early due to the miscarriage. I'm looking forward to visiting with them and I can't wait to show their daughter the coast. She has never seen the ocean but in our case The Gulf of Mexico. So the wheels are turning and planning. As of this week we have 9 weeks and though that sounds like a long time it's not when you think of all the projects to get this place ready. Oh Patt has only thought I've given him honey do list....he ain't seen nothing yet LOL

A few things off the top....

1. Paint the bathroom.
2. Take all the window screens off and do major "spring" cleaning to the windows.
3. All the tree limbs that have been cut must be removed even if the guy down the street hasn't got all the firewood he wants.
4. Oh the rock garden....my my all the leaves still in it.
5. Clean out the closets.
6. Get the water fountain running.
7. Clean the carpets

Oh the list goes on and on. This just isn't anyone coming over..it's Patt's friend from when he was a kid and when they were kids they use to come down here to the homestead and spend their summers so it's like coming home for Jarod so it has to be puuuurrrfect!

Ok the hubby been asleep for hours and the furbabies gave up on me and now are in bed too. Think I'm going to go join them!

Has it been about 20 years?

Sunday I get to see friend I haven't seen in over 20 years! She lives out of state and will be "home" this weekend to celebrate her parents 50th wedding anniversary! They are having a big party for them. We use to have so much fun growing up and we've got back in touch through facebook again. I can remember us singing and dancing (our favorite was YMCA) and we loved Duran Duran! We'd have sleep overs every weekend. I can remember one night us getting sick off of taffy from the fair. Her dad had a box "saved" and we found it and ate the whole box. Think we both got sick! I'm just so excited to see her after all these years, meet her husband and kids and celebrate with her mom and dad. Her mom asked my mom the other day if I was coming and mom told her she though I was. Ms Bessie Jo replied she better be there...she was one of my kids growing up. What sweet people they!

I'm desperate for you.

Sunday during church I had a mini break down. I sit there and that's all I'm doing. I go through the motions....I'm suppose to go to church but my heart isn't there. My heart hasn't been anywhere in a long time. It's early church and it's the praise and worship service we do once a month. This guy Ben sings...I listen and I just want to cry. I feel the tears on my face. We go to prayer and I wipe my eyes and face and hope no one sees me but I can't get the words out of my head.....

This is the air I breatheThis is the air I breatheYour holy presence living in meThis is my daily breadThis is my daily breadYour very word spoken to meAnd I I'm desperate for youAnd I I'm I'm lost without youThis is the air I breatheThis is the air I breatheYour holy presence living in meThis is my daily breadthis is my daily breadyour very word spoken to meAnd I'm, I'm desperate for youAnd I'm, I'm lost without youAnd I'm desperate for youAnd I'm, I'm lost without you.I'm lost without you.I'm lost without you.I'm desperate for you.(Cry out to live)I'm desperate for you..I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost without you..I'm lost without youI'm desperate for you.

(Micheal W. Smith Song)

After church we stay for me to talk to Bro. Sam. I'm honest with him. I can't stand the pain. I can't stand how Patt has gone on with his life and he's living, happy, having fun. I can't stand that I cry. I can't stand how I feel so far away from God. I'm bitter. Mean. I fight with my husband. I don't want to go anywhere I just sit at home. I cry when I see someone pregnant and wonder why can't it be me. My dr wants to run test I don't because of fear. I'm still mad and feel bad that it's been a year this month...in just a short time a year. I'm so mad that I was pregnant this time last year and I want my baby. I just let it ALL out. He listens and prays and let's me know I have to do this in my own time. He doesn't think I've been allowed to grieve because everyone thinks I need to move on and I need to face it. He lets me know that no matter how far away I feel from God, that God is NEVER far from me. That God understands.

I really do want to live again. I'm so tired of being sad and depressed. I don't want to be depressed anymore but I think if I move on than I'm letting go of my baby that I miss. It's wierd and hard to explain. I just want to be me again and I am desperate for God. I want to be close to Him again. I don't want to be angry anymore. And as I've been typing this I realize that once again, God talks to me in the place He's always talked to me....through music.

The sun is a shinnin'

It's such a beautiful day. The sun is already out and it's getting hot so I'm thinking I may go outside today, hang out in a chair, read a bood and get some sun. These poor ole white legs are starting to scare even me LOL.

Today we have early church. I love these Sunday's. We do a praise and worship service which is something I love. I love praise music so I'm about to go get ready.