Monday, June 29, 2009


As I'm sitting here getting ready to blog I feel something I haven't felt in over a year. Peace. It feels good. I can't stand not knowing what's going to happen, if we'll be able to have a baby or not but I do know one thing. I have to let go and let God have it so here I am...somewhere strange to me. Letting what's meant to be will be~

Right now I type not sure what is even on my mind. I'm enjoying not stressing and not planning ok well I'm always planning something :) Last night Patt's best friend from St Louis called asking if we have plans for Labor Day. Haven't thought about it but I am now. They are going to try and come visit us!!! I am so excited, which is strange since when I think of the first time I met them we had to leave early due to the miscarriage. I'm looking forward to visiting with them and I can't wait to show their daughter the coast. She has never seen the ocean but in our case The Gulf of Mexico. So the wheels are turning and planning. As of this week we have 9 weeks and though that sounds like a long time it's not when you think of all the projects to get this place ready. Oh Patt has only thought I've given him honey do list....he ain't seen nothing yet LOL

A few things off the top....

  1. Paint the bathroom.
  2. Take all the window screens off and do major "spring" cleaning to the windows.
  3. All the tree limbs that have been cut must be removed even if the guy down the street hasn't got all the firewood he wants.
  4. Oh the rock my all the leaves still in it.
  5. Clean out the closets.
  6. Get the water fountain running.
  7. Clean the carpets

Oh the list goes on and on. This just isn't anyone coming's Patt's friend from when he was a kid and when they were kids they use to come down here to the homestead and spend their summers so it's like coming home for Jarod so it has to be puuuurrrfect!

Ok the hubby been asleep for hours and the furbabies gave up on me and now are in bed too. Think I'm going to go join them!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Has it been about 20 years?

Sunday I get to see friend I haven't seen in over 20 years! She lives out of state and will be "home" this weekend to celebrate her parents 50th wedding anniversary! They are having a big party for them. We use to have so much fun growing up and we've got back in touch through facebook again. I can remember us singing and dancing (our favorite was YMCA) and we loved Duran Duran! We'd have sleep overs every weekend. I can remember one night us getting sick off of taffy from the fair. Her dad had a box "saved" and we found it and ate the whole box. Think we both got sick! I'm just so excited to see her after all these years, meet her husband and kids and celebrate with her mom and dad. Her mom asked my mom the other day if I was coming and mom told her she though I was. Ms Bessie Jo replied she better be there...she was one of my kids growing up. What sweet people they!


Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm desperate for you.

Sunday during church I had a mini break down. I sit there and that's all I'm doing. I go through the motions....I'm suppose to go to church but my heart isn't there. My heart hasn't been anywhere in a long time. It's early church and it's the praise and worship service we do once a month. This guy Ben sings...I listen and I just want to cry. I feel the tears on my face. We go to prayer and I wipe my eyes and face and hope no one sees me but I can't get the words out of my head.....

This is the air I breatheThis is the air I breatheYour holy presence living in meThis is my daily breadThis is my daily breadYour very word spoken to meAnd I I'm desperate for youAnd I I'm I'm lost without youThis is the air I breatheThis is the air I breatheYour holy presence living in meThis is my daily breadthis is my daily breadyour very word spoken to meAnd I'm, I'm desperate for youAnd I'm, I'm lost without youAnd I'm desperate for youAnd I'm, I'm lost without you.I'm lost without you.I'm lost without you.I'm desperate for you.(Cry out to live)I'm desperate for you..I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost without you..I'm lost without youI'm desperate for you.

(Micheal W. Smith Song)

After church we stay for me to talk to Bro. Sam. I'm honest with him. I can't stand the pain. I can't stand how Patt has gone on with his life and he's living, happy, having fun. I can't stand that I cry. I can't stand how I feel so far away from God. I'm bitter. Mean. I fight with my husband. I don't want to go anywhere I just sit at home. I cry when I see someone pregnant and wonder why can't it be me. My dr wants to run test I don't because of fear. I'm still mad and feel bad that it's been a year this just a short time a year. I'm so mad that I was pregnant this time last year and I want my baby. I just let it ALL out. He listens and prays and let's me know I have to do this in my own time. He doesn't think I've been allowed to grieve because everyone thinks I need to move on and I need to face it. He lets me know that no matter how far away I feel from God, that God is NEVER far from me. That God understands.

I really do want to live again. I'm so tired of being sad and depressed. I don't want to be depressed anymore but I think if I move on than I'm letting go of my baby that I miss. It's wierd and hard to explain. I just want to be me again and I am desperate for God. I want to be close to Him again. I don't want to be angry anymore. And as I've been typing this I realize that once again, God talks to me in the place He's always talked to me....through music.


Sunday, June 7, 2009

The sun is a shinnin'

It's such a beautiful day. The sun is already out and it's getting hot so I'm thinking I may go outside today, hang out in a chair, read a bood and get some sun. These poor ole white legs are starting to scare even me LOL.

Today we have early church. I love these Sunday's. We do a praise and worship service which is something I love. I love praise music so I'm about to go get ready.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

In God We Still Trust

This morning I got this great video from my cousin. It's by Diamond Rio and it's called In God We Still Trust.I have to be honest...I'm scared as to what's going on in our country and now to have a president that is not a Christian and who is for things that the Bible is against. We as Christians must stand up and MAKE a stand. We can not let unbelivers take over our country. People like my grandfather and many friends of mine fight to keep this country free and fought for what this country was founded on. In God We TRUST!!!!!!


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The new blog.

I'm here fine tuning the new blog. I tried to import Simply Dawn Marie but blogger will not import wordpress. I hate not having my old stuff but what can I say. I love wordpress but so far I'm enjoying blogger :) So why did I let my page go? There's always the fact of my "stalker" friend and also I started having issues with the host I used. I couldn't change my look, tired to talk to them but you can't talk to a "real" person, you can only send emails to which I'd get sent to another person, then another until you just didn't want to fix your problem and also their prices went up to host my site so here I am :) No my stalker friend doesn't know about this place and I'm not going to tell her. We are still friends but we don't talk like we use to. She's a great person, we just don't have anything in common and there's nothing holding us together in friendship. It just seems like so much work, but in truth I do care about her and hope one day we can find common ground :)

I am thankful I've been able to get in touch with most of you through facebook expect for you Ms Debbie....when are you going to get on facebook or get a blog??? Just think of the fun we'd have. :~)

Ok more later....lots more. Right now I'm a stuffed!!! Hubby just grilled steaks for us and now I can't move so I'm going to curl up with the girls and watch tv.


Ok here's another one for me check out.


ok another way to see which way do me like it....


So...let's see, shall I?

I have missed blogging, more than even I realized I would. It's been months since I've blogged, now I wonder what to say.....wish I could things are better but they'r not really. Some days they are but now it's not. I wish I could stop myself from thinking things I shouldn't. The main thing right now is how a year ago I was pregnant and how it's been a year since the miscarriage. One would think I'd run out of tears but they come non stop at times. BUT I'll try NOT to make this blog sad and's just what is on my mind at the time.